Thats some bra…

Monday, September 3, 2007

That’s some bra…

I have three brothers. I now know that in my youth I was protected. From what? From the monster that is Women’s Wonderment. I have been married for about nine years now and constantly find myself amazed. The ritual that my wife goes through to make herself “presentable” to the world is; at best a great sacrifice for the sake of beauty and at worst a costly racket that has ensnared humanity with its sweet smells and voluptuous curves.
I have maybe a handful of toiletry items while my wife has an enumerable menagerie of trinkets and charms used to turn her into a siren who’s beauty and aroma one cannot escape. Her vanity a virtual cornucopia of hair product, hair crafting product, lotions, perfumes, elastics, “pony tail holders”, tweezers, waxers, shavers, smoothers, tampers, buffers and the like. While I have what I’ve always had; a razor, a toothbrush and well I am bald now so that’s all.
My most recent education in the field came from a trip to Victoria’s Secret. My wife and I were at the mall planning what we would wear to the most recent family wedding. The Wedding of my Brother O.J. My wife made it known that she needed a new bra. Having just spent the past 7 years nursing our four children, I thought it a most reasonable request. We walked into Victoria’s Secret and proceeded to try on Bra’s. (not me… though I could use one). She picked out two of her favorite, the picking of which involves size, color, feel and what I can only describe as “degree of lift”. I of course was mostly disinterested in the picking of bra’s and found myself wondering around the store staring at the mannequins who modeled the various Scintillating unmentionables. After what I would consider a long time if I was picking out underwear. We met at the checkout counter. I am only needed for the payment. The Clerk told me the total was 85.00$. That’s right eighty five dollars. Two bra’s, the big daddy bra was 45.00$. So let me make this clear forty five dollars for one bra. The things we could buy for 45 bucks swam through my head. I am no cheapskate… really, some would say in fact that I am quite the opposite. That I make purchases without “due diligence”. But come on, ITS A BRA!!!! In my opinion a 45 dollar bra better do the dishes by itself.
At any rate I am mostly over it now. But still when I see women in public places. I now find myself wondering how much they spent on their underpants (bras). And, when I take my wife out on the town I get an overwhelming erg to proclaim to passers by the magnificence of my wife’s underwear. let it be known to all that, “that’s some bra.” Consider your self warned O.J.