Bitterbarn’s Weblog

aka “The Bull” (some content not suitable for children or religous zealots)

“Going Natural”

At this point in my otherwise worthless blog I think I should give some advise. This is my contribution to society.
What is going natural? At my job (not the red light district) its what happens when a woman has the gal to have a baby without any sensory altering intervention. To those who would “go natural” or think going natural might be the thang for them, here are some pearls.
first, if your plan to “go natural” you must plan for it. You need to ask yourself; “self, what am I gonna do when Squeezing a 7 pound water melon out my back-side starts to gasp… hurt”. You should plan some relaxation techniques that involve focusing on a certain point, breathing and concentration.
In the thousands of epidurals I have placed in the middle of the night I have come to determine that unless you are extremely committed to the cause and you wish for pain to befall you, unless you have a plan to make it. you will in no wise “go natural”.
Many women wish for no such thing, some in fact would take an epidural in the back somewhere around 30 weeks if it was allowable. These people usually get their epidurals early and subsequently safely before any transition labor pain is felt. This is a great way to go. you can get your epidural while you can still sit still. The converse is usually not true.
If you are one who are of this ilk. ” I am gonna see how far I can get and if I absolutely can not make it then I will have an epidural”. This might work out for some but by and large this is a bad idea. When labor hits “ludicrous pain” and you finally succumb to the epidural, you will be hard pressed to A) answer the questions necessary for you pre-epidural assessment and sign the consent form and B) find it almost impossible to sit still during the horrific contractions. This is Never a pretty picture. I think some women avoid getting an epidural because they fear the placement of such. Will it be painful? only the first part when the skin is “numbed” a little poke and a burn. After this usually no sharp pain is felt at all, just some pressure and pushing. (isn’t this what you felt when this all started anyway) Occasionally some will feel a little zing down one leg which is temporary and usually benign.
So unless you are a glutton for pain. Unless you are one who wants to the feel the real meaning of woman/mother hood in you loins to the extent that rivals those picking rice in a field or early Neanderthal labor pain; I suggest an epidural and the earlier the better.

P.S. My wife ardors pain she “went natural” 4 times. And besides, shes married to me isn’t she.

September 19, 2007 - Posted by | Uncategorized |

1 Comment »

  1. Matt,
    I agree, you have to plan for the pain. I would say, if you were giving me the epidural, I would give it a go. I think I just might be crazy but I am going to give it a go this time and see how it turns out. Are you all back in Utah yet?

    Comment by Ashley | May 31, 2008 | Reply

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