Bitterbarn’s Weblog

aka “The Bull” (some content not suitable for children or religous zealots)

Oh that I where a vampire…(moroni)kinda

Or a ware-wolf I suppose.

Well If you have no idea what I am talking about consider yourself blessed; for now. If you haven’t heard of it here it is. This is the book that has all of our wives hot for some vampire guy named Edward. All these years I have played fantasy based computer games and have been mocked heavily for it. Mocked by “normal people”. What a waist of time they say. Always the nerd who is fighting or reading about wizards, elves, goblins, trolls… what have you. This lady comes along and writes a steamy romance novel about vampires and ware-wolves (not the friendliest of fantasy creatures mind you)(considered satanic by some even) and BAM next thing you know you can buy this stuff at deseret book (Mormon bookstore). It just goes to show that women will mock and scorn anything until they find out their friend is into it. Alas, men I have discovered a secret benefit to this our wives latest “fetish”. If you are one of most of the men in this world that just cant get enough (you know). Does you wife seem to have a headache nightly. Well if she has read these books and she will (if she can read that is). your problems are over my friend.

I personally am now required to knock on our bed room door and request entry with a certain Transylvania type accent. The second book is about ware-wolves so we are in BIZZNESS.

We are now free to revert back to heathenism. Sweet, just a growl here or gentle bite there and you will become irresistible to the wife who has read this series. Your welcome for the tip brethren.

November 12, 2007 - Posted by | Uncategorized |


  1. I didn’t know you could read.

    Comment by BugHunter | November 12, 2007 | Reply

  2. what makes you think he can????? I would like to say for the record only about a 1/16 of this blog is based on any sort of truth or real life scenerio my husband may live in. Who am I kidding I know you already all know this.

    Comment by melissa smith | November 13, 2007 | Reply

  3. Matt, Matt, Matt. I have to say, it is obvious I don’t have enough Utah, enough friends, or enough of reading the forwarded messages to have been in on this latest craze, but I’m hoping it is a phase as we women must band together against any kind of reverting to more primitive paths and cheer on evolution of tasks. All hail the faux metrosexual man.

    Comment by April | November 14, 2007 | Reply

  4. Thankyou april I’ll take that as a complement. 🙂

    Comment by Matt Smith | November 14, 2007 | Reply

  5. by the way my mother would like me to acknowledge that the vidoe in this post; clearly offends the spirit. To be honest this movie was sent to me by my brother-inlaw; A marrige and family thearpist and bishopbric member. In the future I will put a warnning in such nepharious (sp) posts so that the masses might not have there souls “destroyed”.. and now I will go pluck out my eyes

    Comment by bitterbarn | November 16, 2007 | Reply

  6. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. I hope you don’t die of appendicitis so you can keep on blogging…

    Comment by Angie | November 20, 2007 | Reply

  7. A few moons ago, me wife read the first ‘vampire’ book, then quickly borrowed the others and read them swiftly. We went into the big city (most cities are bigger than Vernal) last week and she managed to buy her own copies of the books (at Costco nonetheless) and start reading them again. Life has been good!

    Comment by Dallon D | November 20, 2007 | Reply

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