Bitterbarn’s Weblog

aka “The Bull” (some content not suitable for children or religous zealots)

Dude, read my blog… maaannn

well, I am sorry I have been delinquent in my blogging as of late. To be honest I came into a creative slump; and was waiting. Last week, I was reminded of an old corollary of mine.

Its the Dude/man command buffer. This is a great piece of wisdom sure to make all your communications greasy smooth. As human beings we are saddled with the unbearable duty to communicate. Personally I wish we could telecommunicate. It would be man-bliss to just go around not saying anything and yet knowing all things. I am sure that if we could telecommunicate; our wives would still verbalize their needs just for fun:) (is telecommunication the right word?)

Ok back to the Dude/man command buffer. The next time you have to give a command to a co-equal ie your friend, spouse, co-worker or sibling, simply say dude in front of the command and man at the rear. You will find that you can get anyone to do anything if you do this and they will not esteem thee to be their enemy. example:

example A

1) Turn of the lights!!!

2) Dude; Turn of the lights man.

example B

1) stop touching me !!!

2) Dude, Stop touching me man

example C

1) Get out of this bed and go feed you children some breakfast, get them ready and take them to school.

2) Dude,, get out of this bed and go feed you children some breakfast, get them ready and take them to school. man…

example D

1) Don’t smoke in the house

2) dude, don’t smoke in the house man.

Now, the caveat is this. Notice in my qualifying statement I said it had to be a co-equal. The command buffer doesn’t work on kids or those who fancy themselves to be above you (funny thing about that). I tried the command buffer as a matter of shear second nature on a surgeon last week. Which category do you think he falls into. He is also elderly; so maybe I should ask myself next time “can this person check their own email”? that would be a good litmus test to go along with the command buffer. needless to say, the surgeon did not feel buffered at all.

January 23, 2008 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , ,


  1. “Can this person check their own email”? How about can this person change his own Depends?

    Face it some folks are just so anal that no amount of “buffering” will help. But then you found that out. Right, Dude?

    Comment by aegis | January 24, 2008 | Reply

  2. dude lose the flicker photos I am tired of seeing naked on your blog man.

    Comment by melissa smith | January 29, 2008 | Reply

  3. I think the other word you’re looking for is “telepathic” communication…

    According to, “telecommunicate”

    communicate over long distances, as via the telephone or e-mail

    although one could probably successfully argue that the distance between brains is indeed “long distance”!

    Comment by april | January 29, 2008 | Reply

  4. I really appreciate this post. Because before you authorized the frequent use of the word “dude”, I felt that maybe I used it too much and needed to step out of the 90’s. Now I feel justified in my lack of more sophisticated language skills. Thank you.

    Comment by Andrea | January 29, 2008 | Reply

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