Bitterbarn’s Weblog

aka “The Bull” (some content not suitable for children or religous zealots)

Is That a Fat Joke?

I am a fat guy; There I said it. It becomes ever more comfortable as the years go by. Personally I think Iam more Bull than Hippo. Although, because Iam a fella who weighed in at 116 lbs on his first drivers license I reminded daily; both by myself and others that my current habitus is not what Mother nature intends.

Skinny People, if not overtly, tend to promote themselves to the level of all knowing when it comes to feeling pity for us poor fat people. Fortunately for us fat people, we are at no loss when it comes to trying to figure out how we got to this sad and lowly state. Fat people need not bother with reading magazines about weight loss, or scientific journals. We don’t need an instructor or Jenny Craig, nor dietitian or genetics councilor. Simply ask your “friendly” neighborhood skinny person what ever you could do to loose some weight and you will be blasted with a smorgasboard of premediatated pontification; that has lay dormant for so long awaiting your request.

Near daily Iam approached with new fangled diets or a new exercise regimen offered by skinny people as a token of charity. Do I look so miserable I ask myself. I must look like the little old lady on the side of the road with a flat tire. Something about us fat people must scream out Help me Help me.  maybe people believe in the BMI Body Mass Index.  A system developed by an Insurance company to place Fat people into categories. The Higher your BMI the less they have to insure you.  Consequently Higher BMI’s have been associated with disease states.  rubbish.

On behalf of fat people everywhere; Don’t call us, We’ll call you. Don’t you skinny people realize that if we weren’t fat, where would you be?? Your welcome (in advance).

.

Advertisements

July 29, 2008 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , ,

16 Comments »

  1. thank you honey. I appreciate you being the bigger man. get it ha ha. I def wouldn’t look skinner next to a lot of men. that is so big of you.

    Comment by the bull | July 30, 2008 | Reply

  2. Matt, are you feeling picked on? Feeling a little rough around the edges, err, rolls? Skinny people giving you an earful? I am surprised, usually I hear non-skinny people give me an earful on how nothing works, diet doesn’t work, excercise doesn’t work, jenny craig doesn’t work, those weight loss pills don’t work-Why can’t I lose weight? answer me NOW. You have 1 minute to answer/resolve all of my life issues, ready go!

    Comment by Dallon D | July 30, 2008 | Reply

  3. nothing works. its true.

    there are fat people and skinny people, and there would be neither without either. its all relative anyway.
    In the valley of the blind the one eyed man is king right?
    if everyone was like Jaba the Hut I would be Paris Hilton.

    Comment by the bull | July 30, 2008 | Reply

  4. What I wanted to say was Its true that nothing works because its all 100% Genetic.

    that is the answer. now go look through the human Genome.
    🙂

    Comment by the bull | July 30, 2008 | Reply

  5. Thanks Matt…I know exactly how it feels…I am getting tired of being advised to get the lap-band surgery done!! I would love to lose a few pounds, but it isn’t any one elses place to advise without beiing asked to do so.

    Comment by Connie | July 31, 2008 | Reply

  6. When I tagged along with Andrea and Wes on the 4th, I personally thought you looked fabulous! I didn’t know why you kept apologizing for not having a shirt on. ??? You look great! 🙂

    Comment by Alayna | July 31, 2008 | Reply

  7. Unlike Bella; I didn’t not mean this to be a pitty party, I am putting skinny people on notice here.

    Comment by the bull | July 31, 2008 | Reply

  8. it doesn’t matter if you are skinny or fat. You don’t walk around with your shirt off, lighting fireworks unless your name is bubba.

    Comment by melissa smith | August 1, 2008 | Reply

  9. I guess I’ve been put on notice…for like the 10th time. If you’re truly happy, good for you. Skinny people aren’t happy, they’re always looking at “I wish this wasn’t here, or if I could move this to here, I would look better.” So skinny or fat you’re never happy. If you ever really want my opinion though, you know you only need to ask.

    Comment by andrea | August 5, 2008 | Reply

  10. In case you are wondering, Fiber is the answer. You should eat 50% of your daily intake with your breakfast. And then accumulate 60 minutes of moderate physical activity daily.

    Comment by Dallon D | August 7, 2008 | Reply

  11. Oh, and don’t ever drink your calories. Any kind of drink with calories in it is not a good idea. And don’t get any bright ideas because a recent study showed those people who drank ‘diet’ sodas had no advantage over those who drank regular sodas.

    Comment by Dallon D | August 7, 2008 | Reply

  12. And, don’t eat after 7 pm.

    Comment by Dallon D | August 7, 2008 | Reply

  13. It would also help if you ate 5 servings of fruits and vegetables daily.

    Comment by Dallon D | August 7, 2008 | Reply

  14. sounds like poison.

    Comment by the bull | August 8, 2008 | Reply

  15. Instead of calling yourself “fat,” use the word “corpulant.” It will make you sound distinguished and important, which you are! 🙂

    Comment by Kathleen | August 8, 2008 | Reply

  16. I love it..that just makes skinny people “corpulant”ly-challenged. Now you actually have the upper hand. Maybe you should start giving out advice. “Try to get 2 desserts in between meals and if it has a vegetable in it…avoid it like poison.”

    Comment by Angie | August 9, 2008 | Reply


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: