Bitterbarn’s Weblog

aka “The Bull” (some content not suitable for children or religous zealots)

Sweatshirt redistribution

          I had this red  Texas Tech Sweatshirt.  It was a “hoody” it was fun to wear.  I haven’t seen it for about three weeks.  I’ve looked everywhere.  Yesterday a little Hispanic kid got off the bus and started walking home.  HE WAS WEARING MY SHIRT.  How many people in Utah have  Texas Tech Sweatshirts.  Texans don’t even have “Sweatshirts”.  This kid was wearing a shirt that looked about 5 sizes to big for him.

    I must have left it in my car.  I guess when his parents went out birthday shopping they didn’t even make  it to wall mart; just my car.  So now what do I do?  I don’t mind giving it to the poor.

      I just didn’t relize that Obamas plan would go into effect so soon.  Come to think of it they have always practiced the “Obama deal”  I just did’t they they could come on over and help them selves.  Don’t worry little buddy I’ll pay your parents taxes.

  the bull

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November 18, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | 7 Comments

Apocolypse NOW

I really want to write some funny crap on here and lighten the mood. But, so far I can only think of bathroom humor and self deprecating stories. Like the time I pooped my pants in the middle of a rice patty in the Philippines while waiting for public transit to take me home. I am growing hair out my left nostril now, and my eye brows are bushier (if that’s a word) than ever. And that “my friends” has everything to do with it.

In reading the news headlines I’ve noticed this about myself. I am a worry wart. The problem is,

I believe. (thankya Jesus)

I have an overactive imagination and because of this I get myself worked up into cold sweats over what normal people perceive as trivia.

I believe in E.T. not that there is life out there somewhere, but literally E.T. from the movie. As my imaginary friend (Nemesis really) from my child hood I can sense his presence in my room at night, waiting at the foot of my bed with that stupid glowing finger of his. Why he bothers me about phoning home I have no clue cuz my cell phone is clearly out on the counter.

I believe in The Karate Kid. No, I believe I am The Karate Kid. I know its just a movie but in my mind its for real and I am the overweight, bald, marshmellowy ding bat who at any moments notice can transform into a marshal arts master ready to kick some butt at any second. In fact yesterday I took out a pit bull puppy that came onto my lawn with some pepper spray (buy ah). I love that stuff and I think I am becoming immune to its effects.

I believe in an Eternal Hell whose flames acesdeth upward for ever and ever. Every night when I am about to say my prayers I am “caught up in a vision” (if you will) There I am naked as a J bird and chained to a rock There is fire shooting up at random intervals all around me I am screaming and screaming no solace to be found no respite. (except for pole dancers of course) And I think to myself (self how long have you been chained to that rock and on fire”? “Oh, only a few days and I have an Eternity to go”. Then the vision ends. Saying my prayer seems pointless.

I believe in the great depression. After reading this mornings headlines I am reminded of something my wife always says “did you cash your paycheck”? She means did you deposit your paycheck. People who are on drugs or have a gambling problem (this includes general contractors) “CASH” their paychecks. Normal sophisticated people deposit their paychecks. however, I am scared that we are all gonna be waiting in a soup line in a few weeks so this time I just might cash my paycheck.

November 13, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | 5 Comments

ATTENTION CRACKAS

All white people must report at 0700 to the local cotton field for orientation.

November 6, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | 5 Comments

Future News report

November 1, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | 4 Comments