Bitterbarn’s Weblog

aka “The Bull” (some content not suitable for children or religous zealots)

Thats some bra…

Monday, September 3, 2007

That’s some bra…

I have three brothers. I now know that in my youth I was protected. From what? From the monster that is Women’s Wonderment. I have been married for about nine years now and constantly find myself amazed. The ritual that my wife goes through to make herself “presentable” to the world is; at best a great sacrifice for the sake of beauty and at worst a costly racket that has ensnared humanity with its sweet smells and voluptuous curves.
I have maybe a handful of toiletry items while my wife has an enumerable menagerie of trinkets and charms used to turn her into a siren who’s beauty and aroma one cannot escape. Her vanity a virtual cornucopia of hair product, hair crafting product, lotions, perfumes, elastics, “pony tail holders”, tweezers, waxers, shavers, smoothers, tampers, buffers and the like. While I have what I’ve always had; a razor, a toothbrush and well I am bald now so that’s all.
My most recent education in the field came from a trip to Victoria’s Secret. My wife and I were at the mall planning what we would wear to the most recent family wedding. The Wedding of my Brother O.J. My wife made it known that she needed a new bra. Having just spent the past 7 years nursing our four children, I thought it a most reasonable request. We walked into Victoria’s Secret and proceeded to try on Bra’s. (not me… though I could use one). She picked out two of her favorite, the picking of which involves size, color, feel and what I can only describe as “degree of lift”. I of course was mostly disinterested in the picking of bra’s and found myself wondering around the store staring at the mannequins who modeled the various Scintillating unmentionables. After what I would consider a long time if I was picking out underwear. We met at the checkout counter. I am only needed for the payment. The Clerk told me the total was 85.00$. That’s right eighty five dollars. Two bra’s, the big daddy bra was 45.00$. So let me make this clear forty five dollars for one bra. The things we could buy for 45 bucks swam through my head. I am no cheapskate… really, some would say in fact that I am quite the opposite. That I make purchases without “due diligence”. But come on, ITS A BRA!!!! In my opinion a 45 dollar bra better do the dishes by itself.
At any rate I am mostly over it now. But still when I see women in public places. I now find myself wondering how much they spent on their underpants (bras). And, when I take my wife out on the town I get an overwhelming erg to proclaim to passers by the magnificence of my wife’s underwear. let it be known to all that, “that’s some bra.” Consider your self warned O.J.

September 9, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | 1 Comment