Bitterbarn’s Weblog

aka “The Bull” (some content not suitable for children or religous zealots)

Apocolypse NOW

I really want to write some funny crap on here and lighten the mood. But, so far I can only think of bathroom humor and self deprecating stories. Like the time I pooped my pants in the middle of a rice patty in the Philippines while waiting for public transit to take me home. I am growing hair out my left nostril now, and my eye brows are bushier (if that’s a word) than ever. And that “my friends” has everything to do with it.

In reading the news headlines I’ve noticed this about myself. I am a worry wart. The problem is,

I believe. (thankya Jesus)

I have an overactive imagination and because of this I get myself worked up into cold sweats over what normal people perceive as trivia.

I believe in E.T. not that there is life out there somewhere, but literally E.T. from the movie. As my imaginary friend (Nemesis really) from my child hood I can sense his presence in my room at night, waiting at the foot of my bed with that stupid glowing finger of his. Why he bothers me about phoning home I have no clue cuz my cell phone is clearly out on the counter.

I believe in The Karate Kid. No, I believe I am The Karate Kid. I know its just a movie but in my mind its for real and I am the overweight, bald, marshmellowy ding bat who at any moments notice can transform into a marshal arts master ready to kick some butt at any second. In fact yesterday I took out a pit bull puppy that came onto my lawn with some pepper spray (buy ah). I love that stuff and I think I am becoming immune to its effects.

I believe in an Eternal Hell whose flames acesdeth upward for ever and ever. Every night when I am about to say my prayers I am “caught up in a vision” (if you will) There I am naked as a J bird and chained to a rock There is fire shooting up at random intervals all around me I am screaming and screaming no solace to be found no respite. (except for pole dancers of course) And I think to myself (self how long have you been chained to that rock and on fire”? “Oh, only a few days and I have an Eternity to go”. Then the vision ends. Saying my prayer seems pointless.

I believe in the great depression. After reading this mornings headlines I am reminded of something my wife always says “did you cash your paycheck”? She means did you deposit your paycheck. People who are on drugs or have a gambling problem (this includes general contractors) “CASH” their paychecks. Normal sophisticated people deposit their paychecks. however, I am scared that we are all gonna be waiting in a soup line in a few weeks so this time I just might cash my paycheck.

November 13, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | 5 Comments

Don’t let it happen again.

Well, the family has been sending around an email regarding whom we should vote for. There are great reasons not to vote for each of the candidates. Many of the “republicans” obviously don’t like Hiliary. So as a lesser evil many say we should vote for Obama. However there are very passionate arguments against him as well. Personally I don’t see how we can vote for Mccain either. I think he’s too old. Do we really want this to happen again.

What does being too old have to do with it? heh… decorum

April 3, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , | 10 Comments

Wal-mart

Here is some more good ole American corporate goodness.

This lady, an employee of Wal-mart, was in a car accident that has left her severly handicapped,  nursing home style.  She won a law suit that awarded her 470k. It was meant to take care of her the rest of her life.  Wal-mart however, has a sneaky little clause in their group health insurance plan that states any money awarded to a victim would go to them.  This ladies son died in Iraq.  Wal-mart made 90 billion in the third quarter alone.  How does this crap happen? I am not sure who to blame this on.  Blame must be assigned.  hmmm..     capitalism or republicanism, maybe  big business.

could we really boycott Wal-mart.  I’ll give it a try.   here is the link to the full article.   click here now.

March 28, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | 1 Comment

Drunken closing

Why,, Why Why this is seriously making me mad.

The government is offering another hand to those who took out mortgages while under the influence.

Where they under the influence of drugs or alcohol or just the their own dreams of owning a home they could in no way afford.

Why do I have to be the sober one? CNN talks like this is a good thing the government is doing. I say no. Let those homes foreclose and let me come buy them properly.

bah,,,, meh…. yeesh….

February 12, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | 2 Comments